Almost a Lotus Birth!

Yesterday’s birth story post was the short version. For those who know me, you won’t be surprised to hear that I have a lot more to say about it!! I’ll probably add more in installments because it is cold out here where the computer is – and I am supposed to be in bed!

First of all – I very nearly got my Lotus Birth. I asked for that when I agreed to the cesarean, and to my surprise the obstetrician said ‘yes we can do that.’ I was so surprised I thought I didn’t hear her answer me, so I asked again in a different way and she said ‘yes’ again. Well there was a little glimmer of hope that I salvage something of my birthing dreams. It seems times have changed – when I had my first born by cesarean and we asked to keep the placenta, the nurses wrinkled their noses and said “We don’t do usually do that, it is a bio-hazard. It is dead meat. We throw it out.” But my husband insisted and it was handed to him like it was a bucket of poo. I have no idea how they would manage a lotus birth in hospital – I’ll bet there would be lots of protocol involved – and I wasn’t about to ask, just happy to accept the gift.

As it happened though, it wasn’t to be – the head surgeon thought that Linden had shown too many signs of distress and wasn’t prepared to risk anything that might lead to infection. That was disappointing, but a very sensible reason not to go ahead with it, so that was that. In the end I am glad that we didn’t lotus birth. It wouldn’t have been the same as lotus-birthing in the dreamy space created at home … and I just couldn’t imagine how I would have managed baby and placenta and my wound from the surgery all at once. I was also in a pretty foggy place with all the pain killers, so it really was nice just to be able to lie there in bed with nothing to focus on except getting some good breastfeeding going.

Breastfeeding has been a journey over the years- with each of my babies breastfeeding hasn’t been easy for me at first, and to be honest, in the last months of pregancy the thought of breastfeeding would be the only thing that I would feel tension or anxiety about. Labour? Bring it on! Breastfeeding? Proceed with caution …

Kaelan shredded my nipples through poor attachment and Rosella did the same – to the point where I would start crying half an hour BEFORE the feed, just from anticipating the pain. I was begging my midwife to let me express and bottle feed her. We discovered soon after (fortunately not much later!) that she had a tongue-tie, which is a little flap of skin that anchors the tongue to the bottom of the mouth, stopping babies from latching on and feeding correctly, and all the pain vanished as soon as that was snipped. Well, not overnight – but after my nipples recovered all was good. I breastfed both of them for 2 years no problems.

So this time I wanted to get it right – and it hasn’t been too bad. Apparently tongue-ties are a family thing, and it was not a surprise to discover that Linden had one too. That has been promptly snipped and we are feeding well, although I am still coping with my other problem: milk.

I make lots of it! Lavendilly House is the place to come if you want some raw milk! Two days ago my boobs were each as big as my own head! Um, yes, it WAS very funny … but not very comfortable. They are now at a more manageable size and Linden, needless to say, is well hydrated! Rosella is gulping down the overflow that I have to express, just so I don’t explode (or get mastitis) to the point where she is now asking me to express for her when she is thirsty! I forgot that it was only 6 months ago that she was still breastfeeding. Kaelan, not surprsingly is not interested, but is fascinated about my ‘wound’.

For him, the whole process is very curious. Baby was supposed to come from my yoni, but she came from my tummy instead. I’ve made sure they’ve both seen everything, and I’ve answered all their questions as appropriately as I can.

For now, I am enjoying my time in bed: Mornings are time to have great talks with Kaelan about this and that, and once he’s at school Rosella pops in for cuddles and a play with Linden. I love this time to sit and just be available for them. Rosella is having a few transitional/2-year-old challenges, so the more cuddles the better.

Next post is going to be about ‘bedside manners’ by medical staff. I have more than a few words to say about that!!!

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7 thoughts on “Almost a Lotus Birth!

  1. Your story has really touched me.
    I’m so sorry you didn’t have the experience you’d planned, or have had to face the scrutiny and derision of the medical profession trying to salvage as much of the birth the way you’d planned and feel is best. Your courage and optimism to accept how events turned out against your well laid plans and expectations is astounding. You’re a fantastic example of what home birth should be – the wisdom to accept birth as a natural and beautiful experience that should be celebrated at home, but with the knowledge and acceptance that when events don’t go according to plan, that transfer to hospital is sometimes necessary.

    It brings tears to my eyes reading your story, and touches a raw wound of how my sister was treated during the birth of her daughter. What you haven’t said is still conveyed in your writing. You should be so proud of yourself, that you obviously didn’t let them strip you of your confidence and strength of self belief, you’re a beautiful example of conscious birth and the resiliency of womanhood. Your daughter is going to have such an awesome woman to look up to.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful words Bianca! I think I still have a bit of processing to do, but it was easy at the time to stay rational because I had my husband and midwives there with me to clarify my questions, to support me and ground me. I’ve also been through an emergency cesarean before – another home birth transfer so the experience of a surgical birth was familiar to me. I knew it would be all right. Having said that, I am starting to mourn MY birth (not Linden’s). I’m thinking up a ceremony that I can do with my husband and midwives to reclaim that. Stay tuned 🙂

  2. Hello my beautiful daughter. I love your posts. It just goes to show you that everything happens for a reason. Although the lotus birth was so right for Rosella, Linden’s birth was very different. See you soon, enjoy your baby moon.
    Love Mum

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