I can’t get anything finished any more!! I know the answer is blatantly obvious: I have three children aged 6 and under … of course I can’t get anything done. You’d be amazed at how long it has taken me to arrive at this conclusion for myself! Linden is 10 months old now … that’s how long!
When I first became a mother I was kind to myself – I knew that I would have to re-define the word ‘achievement’ and I was prepared for days where getting every one fed would be the only thing to have ticked off the list. I only had one child at that point! Now it is a good day if I have remembered to feed myself. As a mother of one baby I patted myself on the back because I could still get to places on time, leave the house without forgetting anything, get to where I am going without forgetting where I am going before I get there …
Yeah, it is a bit different now. Now I am happy if I have managed to get all the kids and all the stuff we need in the car in 5 or fewer trips to the house. I still (yes STILL! 6 years and 10 months later!) panic half way down the road after mentally going through my list of things I had to put in the car, and then wonder if I remembered the baby!! It is ok – I have never forgotten the baby, but she’s so quiet back there that I can be forgiven for thinking that I’ve overlooked her.
I am a busy woman, interested in lots of things. I know how to relax, and make sure I do because I have learned not to underestimate the value of a good bit of quiet time. Having said that, I do also get carried away with new projects. I won’t list the projects I am working on, and I won’t take a photo of my desk for you to try to count the unfinished projects … there is just way too many! But I am content to pick things up and put them down as the mood takes me. Little bit by little bit, they get done.
But it is ok to plod along. I chose this life, I chose my children and I love my choices. The part of me that wants to rush out and go to work and be an adult thinking grown-up, uninterrupted thoughts is still there and still pining for the golden years of being a DINK (dual income – no kids). My dream right now is really just to have a bit of head-space. I have to get up before 4 am to be truly alone with my own thoughts – but this is only possible if I haven’t been woken up four times already by the baby!
And yet, while my children are still so little my no-kids-adult-self quietly waits in the background, knowing that when I look back on my life THESE years are going to be the golden ones. So for now, I am content to review my definition of achievement every day and do what I can do when I can do it.