I have stumbled into – and openly created – plenty of confrontational situations in my life. At times I know that my words and actions have brought it on, and I can accept the consequences and just deal with what comes, but I have also definitely felt as though I have been guided into such situations by something outside of myself (I mean, really, did I REALLY ask for conflict in my life??!) – and while meeting that point of confrontation I have felt all manner of emotions ranging from being uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassed, frustrated, devastated, exhausted and of course angry. I knew at the time (or perhaps after) that I was having this experience for a reason … and once you become open to that idea I think you can become open to receiving the solution at the same time.
It has taken quite a few such excruciating experiences to understand this and I expect (well, I know …) that there will be plenty more to come. Rumi called it the Dark Passage of Grace, and I (speaking as one who feels particularly frightened in tunnels and dark corridors) love the idea that there is something wonderful waiting for me at the end of that dark passage. What I am only really beginning to realise – and have to remind myself often – is that I don’t have to go down that dark passage by myself. We are never alone in our experiences. The trick is remembering that at the time.
Last night at Sacred Essence we talked about angels. I have not really given angels much thought previously. I really do not believe that they look like humans in a white dress with long hair and wings. Even as a child I never really warmed to the idea of angels around my bed – if anything that thought was more creepy than comforting to me- but I have always felt that the realm of spirit is real and alive although I never had the words to describe my experiences.
I think that Obe Wan Kenobe described it best in Star Wars Episode 4 when he said that the “Force” is in you, around you and moves through you – or words to that effect. I watched it again recently and thought – that’s it! It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that!
And that thought lead me to think about my guardian angel. I think my angel is IN me, AROUND me and moves THROUGH me. My personal angel is an extention of me: my spirit’s ability to guide my physical body, that oh so heavy and worldly physical body weighed down by the cares of everyday existence! My guardian angel leads me to the experiences that make me more aware of MYSELF. My angel is a part of me that can maintain some distance – thus not be hurt by my earthly experiences. It is the part of me that stores all the wisdom that I’ve pocketed in my life (or life times) and wisdom gleaned from my very cells that I inherited from my parents and grandparents and my culture. And with all this wonderful wealth my angel has the benefit of knowing that it is all going to be OK – with such clarity of thought, how easy is it then to accept what comes to us? I think my angel gives me a little push down that dark passage and points me in the direction of the light. It is up to me to walk there – nobody said that it would be fun! But isn’t that choice up to me? I think I keep walking until I find the end of that dark passage. The fun comes in choosing the short one. Then my angel gives me a big pat on the back.
That’s what I think an angel’s job is.
But I am bound by my physical body and I am driven by my emotional responses and I sometimes find myself stuck in situations that must create a lot of work for my angel. Sometimes I picture my angel (metaphorically) slapping her forehead and muttering “Oh for goodness sake! Not again!” I see it as being the same sort of relationship as when I clean up my baby and wipe her face and put her in a clean nappy and clean clothes, knowing that she’ll be covered in muck again in five minutes. I just keep doing it and I don’t blame her for it and in fact I love her for it because she is learning about life (and I still think a baby covered in potting mix is pretty cute) . I think I must be my angel’s muddy toddler 🙂
That’s what I think my angel’s job is!
Isn’t it nice to know that someone loves you despite that stuff you do? Isn’t it even better when you realise you can love yourself – despite the stuff you find yourself doing – or thinking? Because I believe that once we realise this, we also realise that don’t get ourselves into things we can’t get out of – and if we need to ask for help, we can ask for help.
I’m still getting the hang of the asking bit – but I think that is part of our life’s work.
Learning how to ask properly.
And when we are open to receiving help – look what comes to us! A new friend, a new connection, a new opportunity … something that (if we are open to it) will facilitate the very change in our lives that we are asking for. Have you had moments like those? I have had people come into my life at just the right time – they were the perfect person for that moment, offering me the perfect experience for that moment, as if they are saying, “I heard you needed this right now. Your angel talked to my angel and here we are! Let’s do it!”
That is what I think my angel’s job is!